I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
