I accidentally had phone sex last night
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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