i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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