You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
