i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
