kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize