We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
