Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
