tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
