I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize