i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
