I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
