im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
