the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
