I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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