I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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