you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
