I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize