just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
