In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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