Don't make out with my wife yet
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
