I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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