Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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