Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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