I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
