You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm passing your future prison.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
