you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
