Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
