He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize