It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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