filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
