Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize