I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
