I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
