Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
