What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
