Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Life is so much better after having sex.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize