I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
