Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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