If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
