I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
