life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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