It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize