i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
