We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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