I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
