you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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