in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
