hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
