the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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