I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
