hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
