I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
