i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
