Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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