I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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