Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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