I wish I could punch you in the face.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i think i have two assholes
I intend to get homeless drunk
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
