I feel great
I just peed on a car
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
