either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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