Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
