The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
