I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
