just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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