Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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