Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
