If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
