Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
