I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
