the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
