Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
