We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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