Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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