One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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