Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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