how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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