i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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