I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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